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| You trick-or-treated at Mel Gibson's house dressed as a Jewish cop |
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| Instead of candy, your parents handed out Scientology brochures |
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| While everyone's wives dressed slutty, yours was dressed like Hillary in a pantsuit |
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| "Punks" who pelted you with eggs and shaving cream: Your wife and kids |
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| Closest you came to dressing up was trading jumpsuits with your cellmate |
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| Because you left out an open bag of caramels, you had to Heimlich your monkey |
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| You went to Madonna's house and she adopted you |
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| Mariachi costume was so convincing, you got your ass deported to Mexico |
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| "Bobbing for apples" accidentally turned into "Bobbing for Grandma's glass eye" |
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| You're home watching this |
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